Puppets, Breakups, Big Thinkers & Blocks That Actually Stop Us
This is a series I’m doing called “Dealing with our shit”. (I could figure out a more business-appropriate name, but I’m out of spoons and I need to post this.)
Look it’s my coach and me!
I worked with KC Rossi, an integrative leadership coach, between 2025/ 2026. KC never waivered, no matter how messy I felt inside - she didn’t blink.
“You know what everyone at church is saying, right? So is it true? Did you do it?” my friend, Stefanie, said. I could feel her gaze on me, steady but not accusatory.
I was barely 20, Steff was 18 (I think), and I was smack in the middle of what would become more life-defining than I realized at the time. The biggest breakup I will probably ever go through, and it was with 1500 people.
Potlucks, weddings, baby showers, mission trips, altar calls, summer camps, funerals (so many funerals), graduations, sermon after sermon. Wednesday night, Sunday morning, Sunday night. We were instructed to be in church whenever the doors were open. I thought we were all growing together, learning from each other, and supporting each other. I thought we were doing this for real.
Fast forward 20-plus years after that breakup (and 15 years after another because I really needed that lesson), and I have spent the majority of my life hyper-independent. My home life also contributed to this of course, but my church breakups pulled that big cushy rug of community support out from under me at juuuuust the right age.
Asking for help? No, thank you. Relying on others and sharing bits about myself? I did that, thanks, and everything was used against me.
The only time my brain consciously brings it up is when I listen to View Between The Villages by Noah Kahan. (If you want to close your eyes and put in your earbuds and get lost in the imagery of all those people you grew up with being ghosts around you, I’ll wait.) I’m not kidding when I say I thought I left all that behind me. It’s been 20 plus years, who cares!?
Laughs in entrepreneurship
What’s one thing that is written in every self-help book (well, probably most), every entrepreneurship course, every freaking article or book on how to truly grow says:
“Find your community!”
But what happens when that phrase inspires a visceral response in your body and every pore and cell in your body screams, “F THAT”?
It’s not just me, obvs. Among queers, I am “lucky” in that my outsides match my insides. I never “struggled” with questions about my identity. I didn’t know attraction to other genders felt physically different from my attraction to men. Secretly gay? Not me in the slightest! Demi-sexual (a person who needs an emotional connection to feel physical attraction) wasn’t on my radar. I didn’t learn the term until my mid-30s after I was already married.
I was broken. (Which is fine, because you couldn’t tell from the outside. On the inside, however, I very much felt like ‘the other’.
I was born with a vagina, and I remember being enraged as early as 5. What was made clear to me was that I was limited in what God could call me to, my career choices, the clothes I wore, who I loved, and how I was expected and allowed to behave due to my anatomy.
My “less-ness” was echoed in every harsh whisper, every talk about my behavior (while boys were allowed much more freedom), my dreams, my wishes.
You would not believe the lecture I received from two dillholes after leading a bible study for youth girls. It was just a litttttle lesson on how you too can choose not to marry. The bible literally says it’s better to remain single - anyway, here are some supporting social science facts.
“We all have our roles to fill in society, Sarah. Don’t be upset because your gender caps you. Isn’t that pride? Pride comes before a fall! Also, you’re totes gonna burn in hell with all the other people with boobs who don’t agree with us!”
That’s me in Puppet Club at my church, when I was 12 or 13. Just want to go on record as saying I didn’t really like puppets, but the puppet peer pressure felt very real at the time.
So, I’m a bad ass bisshh, building a business, living my best life, and then I hit this WALL of:
Find your community, Sarah.
Like this is just something people do, effortlessly and …. Wait, does it feel like bears are chasing you right now, too? My hands are sweating, which is fine and normal.
I like the idea of community, but when it comes down to it, if I get in a space with too many people, the feral cat in me starts clawing at my underbelly like she’s gonna run soon and take me with her. Sometimes I don’t make it out of the parking lot.
This is my body’s fun way of telling me I got shit to process. This time, in this part of my life, I’m confronting this and other juicy, icky things, and I’m taking you along with me.
Why? Because I want you to do this. I want you to succeed in a life where you are your own life creator. Even in income, if that’s what you want. You are brilliant. You know it. Your brain is a beautiful gift, and because you love so big, and the world didn’t understand, your loved ones didn’t understand, you got that trauma. That makes sense, you squishy, soft, and maladaptive gorgeous being of light. Therapy is amazing (and imperative), but sometimes, before we can really go in and examine our shit, we have to see someone else do it. That’s okay too. You’re looking for evidence, data points of reality that might give you a glimpse of HOPE.
If you know entrepreneurship is your ideal path, and your body cock blocks you, I want to help.
Strategies can be learned, scaling your business is a science (and a little magic and grit), but THIS. This is the stuff that stops incredible humans from reaching out and building their dream life.
Our community has scars so deep that it can be hard for us to distinguish what’s been labeled on us and who we truly are in our DNA.
When you grow and try to adapt to the people around you, you adapt to their responses to you, and it can be difficult to distinguish between what’s truth and what's prejudice we’ve absorbed, or misconceptions from people who were committed to misunderstanding us.
If I took everyone else's thoughts and gave them shape with clay, it wouldn’t remotely look like the person I am inside.
In a work setting, these wounds feel harder to heal. It feels like an added weight when you're attaching your income, your livelihood.
Even though we don’t acknowledge it daily, because we don’t have the type of governmental support that other countries offer their citizens, like easy access to healthcare, housing, or aid, or a university education.
We have been conditioned over generations to tie our worth to our job because that’s where we get our protections (i.e., income).
I know all of this now, two years into my second entrepreneur journey. The first time, I gave up exhausted and got a “real job” later (which led me to so many panic attacks because a typical 9-5 doesn’t work for my brain or my body).
This time we’re doing it differently. Sustainably.
With less harm to ourselves and others.
Leaning in to my community has shown me just how resilient humans are when we come together. It has also shown me that we’re all always working through this shit.
How I tackle giant emotional blocks without feeling like a goopy mess of a human.
Acceptance: Reminding myself that while my body may feel stuck in a physical response, that’s okay, and we’ve gotten through this before. This is data that my body has ghosts in the system, echoes of bullshit that got stuck in the receptors.
Neuroplasticity and Soothing the Physical Response: Meditating, walking in the woods, feet in the creek, and allowing those feelings to be present but not take over.
Actions: Small steps of taking part in my chosen community each week have already paid off in spades.
Lucky me, that I’m already in an amazing, thriving queer business but human-first-oriented community.
So what does healing this community wound look like in real time for me?
It looks like a hilarious 43-minute whirlwind of a video call with Kim Lech of Oinopo Studio. We talked about our origin stories, and we bonded over how our bodies responded to working in a traditional office setting. We chatted about partners and our current business obsessions, and I left with a belly aching from laughter and a new friend. (Follow Kim on Insta).
It looks like cheering on Bunny Mack, founder of Econclub, when they post a behind-the-scenes pic getting ready for a video shoot, because they said they needed a little soft pick-me-up in prep. Bunny founded Econclub so they could use their education and emotional labor to bridge the wealth gap for all of us). (Follow Bunny here)
It looks like sharing messages with Alivia Burke of Spunky Psyche, who is so lovely and always offering help on the platform, getting a coffee/Zoom date set up, and a recommendation for a course (that I am now taking) on blog writing. (Follow Alivia on Substack here).
It’s the release of tension in my shoulders thinking about expansion in my business because I’m no longer doing this alone.
The glow beaming from my countenance after the laughing subsides because I know I can show up as my full neurospicy self - interrupting, accidental overshare, or getting too excited about well… everything.
The burst of joy in my chest knowing other creators and big-hearted, soft, and fierce humans are working towards our own shared space of community, pulling back curtains, and pulling up gates because we’re not truly free until we’re all free.
I’ve got this.
We’ve got this.
Want in on some of this goodness? Join us for Famm Fest, June 3rd.
Famm Fest 2026 - a FREE virtual Pride event. Imagine something that not only fills your cup but also fosters authentic community connections, AND can push your business or work life to the next level. Um…. yeah, sign me up.
This year's theme is all about community building, which, I’m guessing, if this resonated with you, you might benefit from.
xoxo
From a former, “I’m not gay to I’m just bi but not really gay to OHHHH SO IF I AM BI I AM GAY TOO AND NOW I CAN BE ONE OF THE COOL KIDS.”